Directionally challenged is not a joke

I would like to dedicate this blog to Sandra and my mother, the two most directionally savvy (and good at directing) people I know. I would also like to add an honorable mention to Ethan, Julie, and Liz who are pretty darn good with maps themselves, and have served as praisworthy co-pilots through the cornfields of Minnesota, traffic-packed streets of L.A., and winding rues de Paris (respectively). Does that mean that reading blogs is somehow related to reading maps? Hmmm....

Tonight I went head-to-head with yet another directionally challenged member of society: the sweetest, smartest, and toughest (her family is all military) Texas female y'all'll ever meet. Unfortunately, she has been enabled by a...you guessed it...accursed GPS. I won't go into details about my evening, or the four runs my car made back and forth across the ugliest stretch of a HWY 1 you'll find on either American coast (I could paint you a detailed picture of the storefront of a venue called, "Kappy's Liquor and Spirits", unless you'd prefer a sketch of a bulletin board with smiling faces reading, "Need a miracle? Call Jesus!")Suffice it to say, I have finally accepted that 9 out of 10 Americans can't give good directions.

While known to throw out random and unfounded statistics (it drives Phil crazy), I have quite a bit of experience gathering data for this bold statement. In my last job as a host family coordinator, I paid visit to (and thus received directions from) many a befuddled housewife and husband. I began to develop stereotypes about the direction giver's expertise quickly after spending a few hours circling the beauteous nooks and cranny's of El Cajon. (For those who speak a little Spanish-the name says it all!) A nuanced pause on the line, a flustered query, "Oh, you didn't map quest it?" or a nervous, "I'm not exactly sure of the street name...oh! I wish I could remember, I've lived here for 20 years" would immediately signal to my brain to open Internet Explorer and begin Yahoo mapping the heck out of their address before our phone call even ended. Bitter much? Jaded? Oh yes...and if only I'd kept that hard-heartedness with me in my drive out to Boston. It would have saved me a lot of grief tonight, not to mention the 30 people I have already given directions to the same house for the baby shower I am organizing on Saturday. (Thank you Texan friend who "edited" them for me.) Sigh...

Now that I got that out of my system, It is only right to close with a little self-reflecting on my own weaknesses. Ever heard of someone burning the tip of their nose while smelling a pork chop? (Hot steam sucks!)I hadn't either, until I did so tonight while cooking dinner.

I guess we all have our faults.